Please do not leave this page before reading the following desperate plea

Hello, my name is Burny and I am desperately looking to retire before I finally die while working. I would love to be able to retire and enjoy some leisure time during my final days but my current employer cannot afford to let me go. My employers are Burnham Ramblers Football Club and I have had 16 excellent years at the Ramblers, a lovely football club with excellent facilities. They have been good to me giving me excellent accommodation and I even have a few mice that lodge with me and keep me company when I am not working so obviously I will be sad to leave. During my sixteen years with the Ramblers I have had to mow the grass on a regular basis on three football pitches and a training area plus other surrounding areas around the ground. To cut the grass I have to pull a set of gang mowers and they are now becoming too heavy for me and my ageing body (20hp engine) just can't take much more. I am now beginning to puff out black smoke as I tire and slow up. My eyes can't see anymore (headlamps don't work) although I do not have to work nights and during the day I have to rely on my master to guide me round the pitches.

If you have not already sussed out who or what I am, I will now tell you. I am a Ford 1210 tractor of some 20hp, royal blue in colour, the Ramblers team colours and my name is Burny after Burnham Ramblers. To pull these gang mowers requires a younger, stronger body of upwards to 50hp. Of course the ideal solution would be a 50hp body carrying rotary cutters, which are not so heavy as the gang mowers. Perhaps, another solution would be for a 50hp tractor to pull the gang mowers and like most people when they begin to reach retirement age, I could be put out to grass by doing an easier job of cutting the grass on the senior pitch with rotary cutters attached to my aging body. I would dearly love that, a smashing way to finish off my last working days before being placed on the scrap heap and finally placed in a metal crusher and perhaps re-incarnated into a more modern tractor or some other mechanical contraption. But before I go to my final place of rest, being a conscientious and caring little old fellow I would like to go happy and knowing that my current employers have found an adequate replacement.

So please, if you are a tractor of anything between 20 to 50hp, have been working the fields and are now looking for an easier life with friendly people and your employer is looking to replace you, ask him if he wouldn't mind releasing you to a new home at the Ramblers. You would love it I promise you. But like all good things there is a snag, your employer would have to be prepared to donate you. In return you would be given free accommodation (large shed), bed and breakfast (oil and petrol). My current employers would also be prepared to put up an advertising board around the perimeter of the main pitch informing the supporters who come along to support the 1st team that, you were donated by your current employer.

So please, please do have a think about it and if you think this would be the life for you, have a chat with your employer and if he agrees to donate you to the Ramblers ask him to contact the webmaster by email. If he goes to the menu item 'Contact' which can be found on the main page, he will find the email address for the webmaster. Ask him to just click on the email address and send a message and perhaps your employer and my employer can arrange a meeting.


Yours In Sport,